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The ‘Connection’ Fallacy

“Connection” is a wonderful idea.

We like to believe in the romanticism of this word, and all that it implies, which is as it turns out a considerable amount.

However, the word itself, from a Tango perspective, has been beaten up and bruised that it more than likely has lost its original intent. When you say the word to someone it could mean any one of eight (8) different things as it relates to the dance. However, this is not a definition of the word, for that please see the Tango Topics Definition of the word “Connection“. 

The Fallacy that Today’s Tango Thought is talking about refers to the belief that somehow the physiological construct of someone’s embrace, or their walk, or their interpretation of the music is complimentary (or not) to the clarity of what was intended. Which, and here’s the rub, creates the illusion of safety, security, understanding, couple gestalt, co-dependence, and most of all intimacy. This is the fallacy.

To be fair no one can create those things, it is a perception that we all have to feel wanted and understood. It’s part of our basic group human nature that goes back thousands and thousands of years that has not left us, nor will it ever. It’s part of the reason that Tango is a social construct. A rigid, highly structured, social construct but a construct none-the-less!

Is this fallacy desirable ? No. Are you going to engage in it anyway? Yup. Why ? Because the fantasy is far easier to subscribe to than the reality. The reality is that you’re wobbling all over the place, that your embrace is insanely compressive, that you hang, you push, you pull, and you’re completely unaware that you’re doing these things, constantly. That’s the reality. And if that sounds like ‘bashing’, or perfectionistic language, then you’re missing the point entirely.

The point: While you can engage in the fallacy all you want, the realities are still going to be there until you clean up your issues. Once you do, and this is the part you’re really after believe it or not, then the ethereal constructs that you seek will be even more elusive to you, more so than you can realize. And you will continue to believe or delude yourself in the pursuit of the fallacy of ‘Connection’ that this is Tango, and it’s not. There is something far greater than you can possibly conceive of in the waiting for you if and only if you remove your issues from the equation.

Related Terms:

MORE REMINDERS

Variation

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Repetition is only good in horseshoes and hand grenades. Which is to say, that no one, absolutely no one, likes being led to the same thing over and over and over again. Variation is the key to success! Small variation, large variations that open doors to other ideas, other thoughts. But in the end, variation. Taking an idea and then reversing it, or slowing it down, speeding it up, speeding up a part of it (musically), slowing down a piece of it, taking off the beginning or the end and reversing their positions. This is variation.

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Musicality Vs. Interpretation

February 28, 2017 No Comments

Welcome to the Department of the Obvious Department. Today’s menu of the Obvious includes: Men not asking for directions when lost, Men over talking Women, Men squeezing the living daylights out of their partners, and last but not least the Age of a Man has nothing to do with his ability to get dances!

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Physiological Control

January 31, 2017 No Comments

Control is a really hard thing to get. It takes a while to have precise, or precision, control over exact foot placement, which is insanely important. It takes time to build up the necessary minute control that one needs to have over one’s body. A millimeter here, a millimeter there, cumulatively, can make all the difference between a dance that sucks (for both parties) and one that is absolutely fabulous. Precision control is where all the toys are at.

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Proprioception

February 20, 2017 No Comments

According to Webster’s Dictionary the word ‘Proprioception’ comes from the latin word ‘proprius’ meaning “one’s own” or “individual”, and ‘capio’ or ‘capere’ meaning to take or to grasp. The word itself means a perception of one’s own body in space and time, as in the awareness of one’s body in space and time, as it refers to bodily position in space and time.

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The Negative of Tango

May 1, 2017 No Comments

There is distinct negative side to Tango. Ask anyone that has done any level of work to improve their dance, and they’ll tell you that it is at once eye opening, again blistering, noxious and wholly demoralizing. Demoralizing to the point where they want to quit dancing altogether.

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Milan for Followers

February 3, 2017 No Comments

A good spot for Followers to plan their next Tango vacation is: Milano. Why ? Several reasons. 1.) The men dress nicely for Milongas. No. It’s true. They actually dress up for Milongas. And as has said before in Vol 3. (Truism 1096), nothing screams ‘come hither’ more to a woman than a man in a tailored suit! And in this case, usually the shoes are handmade as well. 2.) Then there’s the fact that they smell nice.

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The Follower’s Molinete

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Typically referred to as ‘The Molinete’. This is the ubiquitous turn that everyone uses, even though there are 7 more that are equally as useful, it has the default turn for most dancers. The part that you should pay attention to is the second word in that phrase, ‘Follower’. This is Follower specific vocabulary. There is a Lead component to it, which is called a ‘Giro’ (translated from Spanish to English it means “I turn”) , but this is really all about the Follower.

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The Non-Gender Cabeceo

November 10, 2017 No Comments

What is a ’Non-Gender Cabeceo’ ? A Non-Gender Cabeceo works exactly the same way that a Gendered Cabeceo works. There’s nothing special or different about it. The practice is exactly the same regardless of Gender, or at least it should be. If same sex dancing, or role fluidity, is permitted at Milongas, Marathons, and Encuentros, then the same rules apply in a Gendered Cabeceo.

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Private Lessons (Part 1)

October 30, 2016 No Comments

Private Lessons, or ‘Privates’ as they’re called sometimes, can really help you, can change you. Sometimes. And sometimes not. There are several reasons why private lessons won’t help or change you. 1.) Is the teacher you’ve chosen isn’t really a didactic teacher. What’s that ? It’s a teacher that is focused on dancing with you for an hour and pointing out all your flaws with very little actual correction instead of focusing on your foundation and fundamentals, like walking, stability, balance (which are not the same things by the way), your embrace, your body position and body placement, your understanding of the beat and engaging the musical pauses, just to name a few. A didactic teacher can really change you, and up your game. 2.) You. And the thinking that private lessons can the magical fix all. They’re not. You actually have to, god forbid, work! And then here’s the hard part: Practice!

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